I'm no homo

DVD Review: An Evening with Kevin Smith - Evening Harder

Beer, coffee, and sleep not enough to make this fun.



*Okay, well, seeing how I have not published anything in almost 4 months and there has been NO comments or contact from ANY readers on where I have been, let me try to get this thing going again on a more consistent basis. *



Well, last night my friend Brian came over to watch a movie as my wife's cousins were over and we had just finished watching Diehard. Brian has wanted to watch this Kevin Smith thing for a while with us as he claimed how funny it was. Helen's cousins said put it on for five minutes and then they would decide if they want to watch any of it. They began laughing about 4 minutes and 57 seconds into it. Okay, so now we are watching this question and answer video I expected to be like 45 minutes. We watched the London disc as one of the cousins is over from England.



I laughed probably once every 45 minutes, maybe 4 laughs total. I tell you, I instantly became turned off from this DVD as Kevin Smith had this air about him that was like he thought he was some super director who was very cynical and smart. He is smart, and I like some, SOME of his movies. It soon turned into an infomercial for his movies as he was saying what stuff means. Then he totally lost me when he was talking about his young daughter watching Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back with the volume turned down. Smith then went into the dreaded direction most hackey comedians go into, talking about his daughter. He went on to brag about his daughter and how sexy his wife is and her playboy shoot.



As I watched this 2 hour self praise DVD, I thought about Howard Stern's radio show. I was trying to compare Howard's way of talking about his life to Smith's way. I love the Stern Show and I was trying to figure out what the difference was between his five hour show and this Kevin Smith Appreciation DVD. Aside from guests, Howard and the rest of the crew are not trying to exagerate their stories or make a joke out of it. If something is funny then it is just naturally funny. If you know people have a general interest in you to begin with to be there, why make corny jokes and go for the cheap laughs and act like you are holier than many of the people in the crowd and in show business. Oh yeah and Jay Mewes came out and contributed NOTHING but my wife and her cousins swooning over how good he looked and laughing at how Jay forgets a lot of things from the past few years (due to heavy drug use). Also, I am all for vulgarity and being as crude as possible - as long as it makes sense. Jay would just say the most vulgar thing, sometimes it made sense, other times it came across to me as him just trying to get the laugh.



As the show went on, and on...and on...and on...I began to think about the format of this show. I have been to Question and Answer sessions for different celebrities who represented unique views. The best one was Mick Foley's appearance at the College of New Jersey. He gave advice, insight, and his secrets and made it an enjoyable night. Donald Trump did the same. However, there is major difference between these two and Kevin Smith's Q&A - I have never seen a DVD for sale for these other sessions. People will buy anything. Yes, I can see fans of his interested in this point of view, but why charge people for it? In this age of the internet and infinite numbers of magazines to have an outlet in, why do you have to make your Toronto and London sessions available only together as a dual DVD? I am honestly puzzled by a guy who thinks he is so smart and giving something to his fans but is charging them to hear something that we could also read on the internet or in an article. What made the DVD special? His fans asked him questions on their own, some were insulted, some made jokes, some made asses of themselves. I guess that is the selling point.



Maybe I just was not interested in what Kevin Smith has to say. Again, I enjoyed SOME of his movies, but I do not think he is some revolutionary director. In fact I am not really interested in directors in general, but I can assoicate certain directors with an expected quality of film. Michael bay will make visual feasts. Spielberg makes mega classics. The Farrelly brothers make comedies. That is as far as my knowledge goes and I want it to go. I don't know. I love Will Ferrel, but I do not need to know his reasoning behind every expression or phrase he says. My only interest on inside information is probably from the point of view of professional wrestlers. I guess I am starting to contradict myself, so now I need to cover my ass and come up with some unique grading system.



Content: B - In retrospect, it was a good look for fans, very detailed (to the point of boredom for me as 15 minutes to answer a question is too long). If you think there is more behind the man Kevin Smith than sometimes funny movies, then this is for you.



Interest: C- - I lost interest severely with his self indulgence and praising himself like he is revolutionizing film or something.



Entertainment: D - The only reason I did not fail it is because I laughed four times. However, if I was to base a review on the reactions of others, I would give it an A++.



So there you have it. I think the final grade is an X+ or something like that.



__________________________________________________________________

(That's the bottom line symbol)

Bottom Line: I think that if you like only Kevin Smith movies, this is not for you. If you like Kevin Smith the director, it is a must own and you have to live with the decision of watching the original Kevin Smith Q&A or the Toronto or London DVD.

We Are Virginia Tech
What we should be focusing on.

Well, tragedy struck yesterday. As somebody who has never come close to this situation I can only try to understand what this situation is like for those involved. I know that it isn't a good feeling. Anyway, we (speaking as a representative of the media) are focusing on details other than what I feel should be the main focus. We want to learn about the South Korean student who worked in the English Department and why he did what he did. We want to know why the school only sent an e-mail notice as its only security measure after the first shootings. What we should want to know about and demand answers for are the guns and the laws that have allowed these weapons to slip into the hands of monsters like this as well as past monsters, non-monsters, and inexperienced gun handlers.

When the right to bear arms, the Second Amendment, was written, did it provide for glocks, oozies, and rapid fire machine guns? No. It was a single loaded musket that our forefathers used over 200 years ago in guerilla warfare for our independence. Maybe this shooter obtained the guns legally, appeared to be a collector, was an avid shooter, or just plain obtained them illegally. Either way, it doesn't matter. My father-in-law said last night "Why do you need a gun? If you have it, you will use it." I am sure he is right for the majority of gun owners whether they are hunters, marksmen, criminals, or people who want to protect their home. Even if you pull the gun without firing at somebody, you are still using it for intimidation. A man buys a gun to protect his home and family because the criminals have guns as well.

Too many lives have been lost at the hands of people who have obtained guns (duh). Michael Moore did a documentary a few years back asking how the Columbine killers got their guns. He stated that people in Canada own more guns than the US percentage wise but there were waaaaaay less violent crimes associated with guns. Where did we go wrong? Loose interpretations of the second amendment.

Why can consumers now purchase armor piercing bullets? I understand the police having high tech weapons, but they are needed because the criminals have them now, too. The military certainly needs them, but should be used to actually protect our country rather than rule another one, but that is neither here nor there. How did this happen? What right do I have to die by a criminal's gun? If people want to own a gun they get their rickety old one shot musket. No improvements from the late 1700's. No sights, no silencers, no advancements. Leave those to the police and military. Sure, some may find a way to get their hands on them, but that doesn't make it right for all people to potentially own one.

Finally, last year the Amish school shootings led to what I believe was a protest to tighten down Pennsylvania gun laws. The protesters wanted to limit how many guns a person could buy a month. What the fuck? Why are they needed? Why would you ever need one or more to begin with? Some might be asking "What if we want to collect them for historical prestige or for decoration?" Well, who cares? Go without owning that. That is why there are museums, glass cases, and red ropes. Get over your fascinations of collecting shit.

Unfortunately, there will never be a wakeup call like this. These opinions are considered un-American, unconstitutional. Whatever. The Constitution was written when the threat of losing our independence was still possible. We are made to live in fear of terror rather than working towards peace in a productive manner.

Duba Memories
The Coast Guard Years: One night at Connecticut College

Hey everybody, I decided today that I need to start posting some more of my memories as I realize that as I get older, I forget more. Especially the details...some of which are of absolute necessary.

So, let's walk back down memory lane to April of 1999.

The Backdrop: I had joined the United States Coast Guard Academy on July 6 1998, two weeks after graduating from Cinnaminson High School. I attended until May 10, 1999, as I realized that the future for what I wanted to do with my life would be unclear for the next 9 years (4 years of school, at least 5 years of service). Nonetheless, two of my good friends, Matt (a red headed kid who was responsible for the USCGA's swim team success that year and a native of Homer, Alaska) and Cory (a boulder of a man, who was 21, and was the onlyl freshman on the varsity football team), were leaving as well. We figured that any serious offense (i.e. wearing civilian clothes, going out on days that we did not have liberty such as a Wednesday, drinking, etc.) would take one month to process at the academy. So, from April to May, we wreaked havoc on ourselves and the USCGA's across the street neighbors/opponents, Connecticut College. Also, my girlfriend at the time broke up with me and I was in a bad mental place that involved drinking to passing out - NOBODY should ever try this. So after about a week or two of some good ol' shenanigans, we went dressed to the tilt to Connecticut College, looking for a party.

The Story: We could hear music from one of the dorms and saw people carrying beer into the building. We were curious, so we decided to hunt for the party. However, the building was protected by a sliding card system that would open the doors for dorm residents. Not to worry, as Matt had several experiences getting into places that he did not belong. He did something to the card reader and we got in. We went floor to floor, sticking our heads outside of the elevator searching for that party. Unfortunately we did not find anything until the fourth or fifth floor. What we saw at the end of the hallway was a banner at the end saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELA!" As we walked to the room, we tried to come up with a reasonable story to justify our existence at this party. We had nothing good as we got to the door, but then Duba sprung into action. There she was, Angela's room mate. She asked who we were and I said, "I'm Jim, Angela's cousin." She asked where I was from and I said Boston College and that Matt and Cory were two of my friends. She did not question this (as the room mate was a little drunk). We immediately spotted the rum-filled watermelon and unloaded the fridge of beer as well as tapped the keg. About one hour passed of having a good time and getting to know Angela's room mate as well as her friends. Finally, Angela arrives. Boy was she surprised. She didn't even realize her cousin from Boston College would come all the way down to Connecticut for her birthday! It felt good doing something for the family, you know? She gave me a hug and said it was a pleasure to meet Matt and Cory.

Then it happened...

About another hour passed by, we were all riding the tide of a great buzz. Then, I suddenly hear a female voice say, "Hey Josh! This guy goes to Boston, too!" Shit. Duba, who was then isolated as Matt was at the keg and Cory continuing to devour the watermelon, was confronted by "Josh." He asked me what I was studying. I replied communications, I was in my second year and I was thinking of transferring to Drexel in Philadelphia. He then asked me where I live. The following is a script (the lines may not be exact, but the synopsis is accurate) of what transpired:

Josh: So where do you live?
Duba: I commute.
Josh: So do I. Where do you commute from?
Duba: ...Uh...The west side.
Josh: Well what town? We could party.
Duba: ...Cinnaminson.
Josh: ...Hey, you guys are from the Coast Guard!


Cory, with almost a Spidey sense like feeling, knew the gig was up. That smash, a ferocious smash/splat combination that drew everybody's attention to the back left corner of the room, was the sound of Cory chucking the watermelon across the room to make a diversion. Realizing our enemies were now distracted, Cory, Matt, and me ran out the door, followed a couple seconds later by Josh and his flunkies from Connecticut College. I was the last one out the door and closest to this mob. Matt, using every criminal instinct he had, saw a bicycle parked in the hallway. The window was partly open, but then completely opened. How else do you expect to fit the bike out the window if the window is not open? Sure enough, Matt unloaded the bike out the window. Immediately one of the goons cried out "MY BIKE!" Immediately the mass of assholes stopped to look out the window and piss and moan about a stupid bike. It wasn't like Matt threw a pregnant woman out the window. Fortunately for us, the mob did not realize that they had to get outside to provide CPR to the bike rather than gawk at it through the open window. We got out of the building, raced to Cory's car, then made it to University of Connecticut, but that's another story.

Thanks for reading my memories and thanks in advance for caring if you read this far.

Fly Duba Fly
Week 7 - Oh no, we suck again!

Okay, as an Eagles fan over the past few years I am not used to losing. Except for last year, but I thought all the problems had worked themselves out. Well, this past weekend there was another player who screwed up. I am sorry, but when you lose 23-21 on a 62 yard field goal and the opposing team only scored 1 offensive touchdown, somebody had to have screwed up. Donovan McNabb, this week that dishonor goes to you. You actually were responsible for 5 touchdowns, however only three of them counted for your team. I think McNabb is great, he came back strong to capture the lead in an exciting catch by Brian Westbrook (100+ rushing, 100+ receiving) for the lead. That was with 33 seconds left. The announcers then said the stupidest thing, that Westbrook should have not scored the touchdown to hold on to the ball till the end of the game. You mean you should not play to win. I bet Troy Aikman would not have made that comment.

I know this is short, but what can I say. The Eagles' 2 game losing streak is similiar to last year when things fell apart. Maybe it will be the home field advantage this Sunday that breaks that streak.

Looking Ahead
Well, Jacksonville could be a great team, but after losing to the Texans (who are a much different team than we last saw when they played the Eagles in Week 1), they don't seem so great now. I'll do it again...Eagles 24-14.

Fly Duba Fly
Week 6 - Where's a hurricane when you need it?

Well folks, the Eagles doubled their losses this past weekend. I did not see most of the game, but probably the last 25 minutes of play. I heard there was a fumble on a punt return by Dexter Wynn which caused another important touchdown for the Saints. While that mistake is inexcusable, people do make mistakes. Donavon McNabb made several mistakes last year (primarily not seeking assistance for his injury) that resulted in very few W's for the Eagles. The guy made a mistake, as do all players, and he will probably not live this one down. I have not listened to local Philadelphia sports radio because I don't want to hear all the idiots who praised the Eagles last week but will cut them down as pathetic or losers this week. If he is getting a hard time, deal with it. New Orleans is a much better team this year, not the guarenteed victory it would have been last year. Drew Brees, my favorite non-Eagle, played great from what I saw (and heard on the radio as I was gutting my basement). You can't win them all. We are certainly used to that in Philadelphia. Let's hope they meet New Orleans again in Philadelphia during the playoffs. I really have nothing else to offer on this week as New Orleans played great and the Eagles really stepped it up in the second half.

Looking Forward:
This week the Eagles go to Tampa Bay to continue the "Goin' South" tour. I think the Eagles will win this one. The real starting quarterback (I can't even remember his name anymore...Simms is it?) is trying to find his spleen these days. This new guy Gradkowski has stepped it up from what I read. However, he will be fodder for the Eagle's Defense this weekend. Joey Galloway I believe will be ineffectual in this game. I will pick the same score I gave last week, as I want to gloat when this score actually comes true during a game: Eagles 24, Tampa Bay 14.

Side Note on Fantasy:
Thank you Chicago Defense. You gave me a scare but proved worthy of being on my fantasy team 2 years running. Chicago has a bye this week. I am so confident that despite them having a bye, I might just use them any way as a lucky charm. Otherwise, I will go with Arizona who are playing Oakland.