Fuck ESPN Vol. 1
I want my football back.

Well folks, ESPN did to me again last night. They killed enjoyment of a mostly suspenseful football game. The first half saw 3 field goals by Green Bay, and one touchdown by the Eagles. Oh yeah and an interview with Steve McNair. First, Steve McNair was propped up in a chair as if he was doing a Chris Reeves impression. I saw his stupid face for like 90 seconds then instantly they cut to the ball being hiked. THEY TALKED OVER THE PLAYS. This was EXTREMELY unprofessional in my opinion. When I watch football, I like to see EVERYTHING. I like to see if there is urgency in the play. I like to see if somebody is down. I love that emotional roller coaster of anticipating the next play. Then, in a scary moment, Michael Lewis made a tackle and did not move. Instead of paying the player respect of his injury, especially when he is not moving, they continue with the questions to McNair. Same thing happened a few minutes later when a Green Bay player went down.

Then, we constantly get the most forced sideline reports from those two women on both benches. They may be good people, but I don't need Ms. Tafoyula or whatever trying to convince me "I just spoke to Brian Dawkins and he said..." "I just spoke to the Eagles' mascot and he flapped his wings." That should be what she says. I don't need any sideline reporters PERIOD. They way they spoke was as if they were Katie Couric reading the news. It was so forced I was getting angry. And I'm supposed to look forward to Eagles Cowboys on Christmas with this shit going on?

Then, in the second half, there are three fans shown in the front row with popsicle sticks with the announcers' pictures on them waving them around. I want to throw shame at those fans, but they did not know the disservice the announcers and ESPN in general was causing the game at home. Screw those announcers. They actually reenacted the Buckhalter goal line fumble with a twinkie. How about you just leave it at "Donovan McNabb gave Buckhalter a bad hand-off"? That's it. You did not enhance my pleasure of the game through this.

Okay, the third quareter is upon us and then the Eagles start a huge rally and are ahead 17-9. One announcer then asked "Is it safe to say this game is over?" NO! Sunday the Jets almost beat the Colts in a spectacular team effort. Also, the EAGLES, my own EAGLES, lost to the Giants when they were up by 17 points in the fourth quarter. When, as a professional football announcer working for ESPN, would you think a game was over until it was over or the leading team had the ball with only a small amount of time left on the clock?

They then cut to Ryan Howard of the P(athetic)hillies. Okay, I refuse to support the Phillies until they actually make the playoffs and prove they are worthy of my support. I mean, they went to the World Series in 1993 and nothing since. Not even close. This was acknowledged as a big inspiration by the announcers for the Philadelphia crowd. No. Joe Frazier. Ron Hextal. Ron Jawroski. Even an injured Javon Kearse would have been more inspirational. Instead, Ron Howard, Mr. Homeruns for the Phillies a little too late in the season, is supposed to be my inspiration? Greg Lewis making two catches for TDs and Donovan's two TDs was more inspirational. Eventually blowing out a team without a prime piece of the offense and a hurt defense was more inspirational.

So, here's to you, ESPN. I wish you horrible ratings until you salivate over the idea of the Christmas game for the Eagles Cowboys. Let's see how much worse you can make it. I dare you. Maybe you could have Beyonce show up so that you can boost those ratings. If you tried that in Philadelphia, it would be a horrible experience for Beyonce. So ESPN, kindly, go fuck yourself.